Mar. 27, 2017

a conversation with myself

Do you have conversations with yourself?  I believe it’s perfectly alright if you do, as long as you know you’re doing it, and as long as no one other than yourself answers.  Here is a conversation I had with myself, about overeating:

“Okay Jill, you accomplished this good thing for yourself by losing 12 pounds.  Now the pressure is on for you to do better. And if you don’t do better, then you are a failure, and you’re probably going to start back eating fulltime again, and bingeing every night.  And everybody’s going to know about it, because you’re always sharing everything you do on your blog!  Man, I knew you were going to blow it.  You always blow it.”

I know that I shouldn’t talk to myself like that. If I were somebody else and telling me what I just said to me, I would probably smack me one!  I don’t know why I feel I have to be perfect.  Nobody’s perfect, it’s an impossibility to be perfect; so why do I beat myself up so bad when I don’t live up to perfection? 

Last Friday, I’m at the gym with my PT Becky, and she’s working me out.  I tell her that I had another binge.  She said, as she always does, it’s okay, it happens.  I continued to tell her that all the food I had in the house was Nutrisystem, and that I had binged out on Nutrisystem food.  Suddenly, Becky starts laughing, and as she got louder with her laughing, she’s trying to tell me “Yes, I can see you overdosing on their huge 2” round cinnamon bun, and all the tasty stuff they make!”  I joined in laughing with her.  I think we laughed for a solid 5 minutes!

She cracked me up!  Let me tell you people something, for me to laugh at the gym while working out, well it would have to be something extremely funny, cause I can barely breath at the gym, let alone laugh!  If you didn’t think that was funny, I guess you should have been there, or have tried Nutrisystem or have ever been on a diet. 

In the future, I’m going to try to not talk so mean to myself.  Surely if I can be nice and kind to others, I can do the same for myself. 

I found this, which says it all – “You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” –Budda-

Ooooh, it’s a weigh day. I don’t feel that I’ve lost anything this past week, but I don’t feel that I’ve gained either.  I’m stepping on the scale.  Let’s hear that drum roll!  I weigh……. 206.

Well, that’s the same as last Monday’s weigh. Hmmm… okay… I will be nice to myself… Glad Game Time… I didn’t gain any weight, which is great!  And, my new shipment of NS food arrived and it’s filled with just the stuff I know that I like, which is also great!  And, I exercised last week, which is most excellent!  Like one of my sweet friends told me… this is not a race, it’s a marathon.

I love you guys!  Thank you for reading!